The Crowded Home

Nasrudin was talking to his neighbor one day, and the neighbor lamented, “I’m really having trouble fitting my family in our small house. It’s me, my wife, my three kids, and my mother-in-law-all sharing the same cottage. Mulla Nasrudin, you are a wise man. Do you have any advice for me?”

“Yes,” replied Nasrudin. “Do you have any chickens in your yard?

“I have ten,” the man replied.

“Put them in the house,” said Nasrudin.

“But Mulla,” the man remarked, “our house is already cramped as it is.”

“Just try it,” replied Nasrudin.

The man, desperate to find a solution to his spacing woes, followed Nasrudin’s advice, and paid him another visit the next day.

“Mulla,” he said, “things are even worse now. With the chickens in the house, we are even more pressed for space.”

“Now take that donkey of yours,” replied Nasrudin, “and bring it in the house.”

The man bemoaned and objected, but Nasrudin convinced him to do it.

The next day, the man, now looking more distressed than ever, came up to Nasrudin and said, “Now my home is even more crowded! Between my family, the chickens, and that donkey of mine, there is barely any room to move.”

“Well then,” said Nasrudin, “do you have any other animals in your yard?”

“Yes,” the man replied, “we have a goat.”

“OK,” said the other. “Take the goat in your house too.”

The man once again raised a fuss and seemed anything but eager to follow Nasrudin’s advice, but Nasrudin once again convinced him to put yet another animal in the house.

The next day, the man, now full of _ and _ , came up to Nasrudin and exclaimed, “My family is really upset now. Everyone is at my throat complaining about the lack of space. Your plan is making us miserable.”

“OK,” Nasrudin replied, “now take all of the animals back outside.”

So the man followed his advice, and the next day, he dropped by Nasrudin and remarked, “Mulla-your plan has worked like a charm. With all the animals out, my house is so spacious that none of us can help but being pleased and uncomplaining.”

During the meal, the King asked Nasrudin

Nasrudin was invited to the royal palace for dinner one night. During the meal, the King asked Nasrudin if he enjoyed the stew.

“Yes,” replied Nasrudin, “it was fantastic.”

“Really?” said the King. “I thought it was pretty bad.”

“Yes,” said Nasrudin, “you’re right—it was quite awful.”

“Wait a minute,” remarked the King. “You just said it was fantastic a few seconds ago.”

“That’s correct,” explained Nasrudin, “but I live in and serve the town of the King, not the stew.”

Center of the Earth

Friend: “Nasrudin, do you know where the center of the earth is?”

Nasrudin: “As a matter of fact, I know exactly where it is.”

“Where?”

“Directly under the right hoof of my donkey.”

“What! How can you be so sure?”

“Well—if you don’t believe me, you can measure it for yourself.”

Walnuts and Watermelons

As Nasrudin rested under a tall walnut tree one day, he looked a few yards to his side and noticed a big watermelon growing on a thin vine near the ground.

Nasrudin looked up and said, “Great God, please permit me to ask you this: why is it that walnuts grow on big strong trees, while watermelons grow on think weak vines. Shouldn’t it be the other way around?”

But at that very moment, a walnut fell from high on up in the tree and hit Nasrudin square on the head.

“Ah!“ remarked Nasrudin. “I suppose Nature’s ways might not be as backward as I thought. After all, if a big watermelon fell out of the tree and onto my head, it might have killed me!“

How do you know it was me?

Nasrudin walked into a store one day, and the owner greeted him.

“Wait a second,” said Nasrudin. “Have you ever seen me before?”

“Never,” said the man.

“Then how do you know it was me?” replied Nasrudin.

Nasrudin slipped and nearly fell into a lake

One day, Nasrudin slipped and nearly fell into a lake, but was caught by a friend walking next to him.

From then on, every time Nasrudin encountered the friend, the latter was sure to bring up the incident and make a big deal about it.

After months passed and Nasrudin could take no more of this, he led the friend to the same lake, and, with clothes and shoes still on, deliberately jumped right into the water! As he lay in the water, he remarked to the friend, “Now I’m as wet as I would have been if you didn’t save me that day…so for goodness sake, please stop reminding me about it!“

A Burglar in the House

As Nasrudin and his wife lay in bed one night, the latter woke Nasrudin up and, full of distress, said, “Nasrudin-I hear a burglar in our house! Go get him!“

Nasrudin calmly replied to her, “I think we’d be better of just letting him do what he wants. After all, we don’t have anything good for him to steal; and if we’re lucky, he might leave something for us.”

“Don’t be absurd, replied his wife, “That won’t happen.”

“Well then,” said Nasrudin, “perhaps he’ll find something good to steal, and then I can steal it from him.”

Cut off the cow’s head

One day, a cow drinking water from a container got its head stuck in the container’s narrow passage.

The cow’s owner and various passersby noticed what had happened, and some tried to prod the cow’s head out—but alas, the cow remained stuck, much to the

Then Nasrudin walked by.

“What happened,” Nasrudin asked.

“My cow’s head is stuck in that container,” replied the animal’s owner, “and we don’t know what we should do. Mulla, do you have any ideas?”

Nasrudin examined the cow and container, and then said, “Cut off the cow’s head.”

So the man followed Nasrudin’s advice, causing the cow’s head to drop into the container.

“What should I do now?” the man asked.

“Break the container,” replied Nasrudin, “and take out the cow’s head.”

Nasrudin is Taken to Court by His New Wife

About a year after Nasrudin’s first wife died, he married a widow.

As they lay in bed one evening, she said, “You know, my first husband was a really exemplary person.”

Nasrudin, annoyed to hear about her first husband, responded, “Well, my first wife was incredibly lovely and charming.”

“Well,” she replied, “my first husband was a fabulous dresser.”

“My first wife was a tremendous cook,” countered Nasrudin.

“My first husband was a brilliant mathematician,” replied the other.

“My first wife was a masterful organizer.”

“My first husband was remarkably strong.”

And as they both continued trading praise of their deceased spouses, Nasrudin became so annoyed that he pushed his new wife off the bed, causing her to injure her hand.

Infuriated and wanting justice, she took him to the local judge and told him what happened.

After the judge heard her account of what happened, he turned to Nasrudin and said, “OK—now let’s hear your side of the story.”

“Your honor,” Nasrudin said, “we have a bed that fits only two people. But last night, when my first wife and my new wife’s first husband were added, my new wife was pushed off the bed, fell, and hurt her hand.”

Sad Man Searches for Joy

One day, Nasrudin began talking to a man from another town. The man lamented, “I am rich, but I am also sad and miserable. I have taken my money and gone traveling in search of joy-but alas, I have yet to find it.”

As the man continued speaking, Nasrudin grabbed the man’s bag and ran off with it. The man chased him, and Nasrudin soon ran out of the man’s sight. He hid behind a tree, and put the bag in the open road for the man to see.

When the man caught up, he located the bag, and his facial expression immediately turned from distress to joy. As the man danced in celebration of finding his bag, Nasrudin thought to himself, “That’s one way to bring joy to a sad man.”

The Baby is Crying

Late one night, Nasrudin’s baby started crying.

Nasrudin’s wife turned to him and said, “Husband, go take care of the baby. After all, he is not only mine—he is also half yours.”

Nasrudin sleepily remarked, “You can go stop your half from crying if you want—but as for me, I will let my half continue to cry.”

Who knows how many more there would be!

Nasrudin’s wife was pregnant and due to give birth any day.

One night, as they both slept, she turned to him and said, “Husband, the baby is coming.”

And on her saying so, Nasrudin lit a candle and watched his newborn baby come out.

But minutes later, he watched as yet another baby come out. And just minutes after that, he watched his wife give birth to a third child.

Finally, after seeing three babies ___ , Nasrudin blew out the candle.

“Why did you do that?” asked his wife.

“Well,” said Nasrudin, “while the light was on, one child was born, and then another, and then another. If I had kept it on, who knows how many more there would be!“

To the village judge

Nasrudin went to the village judge and asked to be granted a divorce from his wife.

But when the judge asked what her name was, Nasrudin replied, “I don’t know.”

Greatly surprised to hear this, the latter asked, “Well how long have you been married to her?’

“Five years,” said Nasrudin.

The judge, now in a state of disbelief, had to ask once again.

“Do you mean to tell me that after five year of marriage, you do not know your wife’s name?”

“That is correct,” Nasrudin replied.

“Why not?” asked the judge.

“Because,” Nasrudin explained, “I did not have social relations with her.”

Can you teach your donkey to read?

One day at the King’s court, the King turned to Nasrudin and said, “Mulla. Since you are constantly reminding us of how clever and wise you are, tell me this: can you teach your donkey to read?”

“Absolutely,” replied Nasrudin. “A task like that would present me with no problems whatsoever.”

“Don’t mess with me,” said the King. “Seriously, can you do it?”

“Yes, I mean it,” Nasrudin replied, “and I’ll tell you what: just give me fifty thousand dollars right now, and I’ll guarantee I’ll have this donkey reading within eight years.”

“OK,” said the King. “But that donkey isn’t reading by then, I’ll put you in prison and have you tortured daily.”

So they agreed, and Nasrudin left the court.

The next day, Nasrudin’s friend asked about what happened.

“Are you out of your mind?” he said. “You can barely teach your donkey to stand still, and now you’ve guaranteed that he’ll be reading within eight years. Nasrudin-I don’t see how you’ll be able to escape a long prison sentence for this.”

“Listen,” the Mulla calmly replied, “several years from now, our King will probably be dead or out of power. And even if he manages to last as our King for that long, odds are my donkey will have passed on by then. And in the unlikely event that neither he nor my donkey is gone by seven years time, I’ll still have an entire year to plan my way out of getting punished.”

Order you to eat these papers

The tax collector in Nasrudin’s town was corrupt and accepted many bribes. One day, the mayor asked the tax collector to present his records for examination.

Upon studying them and realizing that they were falsified, the mayor, infuriated with rage, shouted to the tax collector, “Not only are you fired, I also order you to eat these papers you have presented me while we all watch!”

So he did as he was ordered, while the court attendants watched in amazement as he ate all the paper. Soon the news of what had happened spread throughout the town.

About a week later, the mayor appointed Nasrudin as the town’s new tax collector. When the mayor asked him to present his records the next week, Nasrudin handed him noon-eh-lavash (flat bread) with the records written on them.

The mayor asked, “Why did you write your records on noon-eh-lavash?

“Well,” Nasrudin replied, “I saw what happened to the other guy, so I wrote these on bread just in case you would make me eat them as well.”

Just trust me—this works

One day, a local man climbed up a rather tall tree.

Shortly thereafter, however, as he tried to make his way back down, he soon discovered that the trip down might not be as easy as the trip up. In fact, try as he might, he simply could not figure out a way to get down the tree without putting his body at great risk of falling to the ground.

He asked a few passers-by for help, but no one knew what to do.

A few local people gathered near him and tried to help, but he remained stuck.

Then Nasrudin walked by and devised a plan. He threw a rope up to the man and said, “Tie this around your waist.”

The people nearby wondered about what Nasrudin was doing. They asked him his plan, but he calmly replied, “Just trust me—this works.”

When the man had the rope tied around his waist, Nasrudin pulled on the rope. Upon his doing this, the man fell from the tree and hurt himself. The bystanders, horrified to see this happen, remarked, “What kind of a plan was that?”

“Well,” Nasrudin replied, “I once saved someone’s life doing the exact same thing.”

“Are you sure,” one man asked.

“Yes,” Nasrudin replied. “The only thing I’m not sure about is whether I saved him from a well or from a tree.”

Only have this twenty dollar bill in my pocket

A group of robbers broke into Nasrudin’s house one night and demanded Nasrudin’s money.

“Sirs—” Nasrudin said “—if I could, I would gladly give you a million dollars; but unfortunately I am rather low on funds right now, and only have this twenty dollar bill in my pocket.”

And with saying so, Nasrudin took out the bill and handed it to the robbers.

They, however, were greatly angered, and decided to spend the night at Nasrudin’s house and punish him. “Stand on one foot for the rest of the night!” they demanded.

Nasrudin did as he was told, and the robbers went to sleep while one stayed on guard. After an hour, the guard said to Nasrudin, “Listen, I’ll let you switch to the other leg.”

“Oh, thank you,” Nasrudin replied. “You’re a much better person than the rest of your group. My money is actually in my shoes in the closet. You can go take it—but don’t give any to them.”

Nasrudin Gets a Cow

One day, Nasrudin’s wife told him, “Let’s buy a cow so that we can have milk every day.

Nasrudin replied, “We don’t have enough space in our yard for my donkey and a new cow.”

But despite Nasrudin’s objection, his wife persisted until he finally gave in.

So he bought the cow—and just he predicted, it crowded his beloved donkey in the barn. This prompted Nasrudin to start praying one night, saying, “Dear God, please kill the cow, so my wife can’t bother me about it anymore, and so my donkey can live in peace.”

The next day, Nasrudin went into the barn and was dismayed to discover that his donkey was dead! He looked up and said, “God, I don’t mean to offend you or anything, but let me ask you this—after all these years, do you mean to tell me that you still can’t tell the difference between a cow and a donkey?”

Nasrudin Plays Guitar

Nasrudin was at the town square one day, and a group of people asked him if he knew how to play the guitar.

Nasrudin didn’t know how, but he replied, “Yes, I do. I am a masterful guitar player—in fact, I am one of the best in the world!“

The people, expecting him to make such a boast, immediately produced a guitar and asked him to play it.

Nasrudin took the guitar and started playing only one string, and continued to play only on that one string. After a minute of this, someone finally interrupted him and asked, “Mulla! Guitar players move their fingers and play a variety of strings. Why are you only playing one of them?”

“Well,” Nasrudin replied, “those players keep on changing strings because they are searching for a specific one. I found it on my first try—so why should I switch to another one?”

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Son Searching For a Wife

Nasrudin, knowing his son was looking for a wife, asked him what type of wife he wanted.

“One who is intelligent and expressive“ the latter replied.

“OK,” replied Nasrudin, “I’ll help you find such a woman.”

So as part of his plan, Nasrudin led his son to the town square. He then slapped his son in front of all the people and exclaimed, “This is what you get for doing exactly what I told you to do!“

One young lady saw this and remarked, “Stop hitting him. How can you punish him for obeying what you said?”

When the son heard this, he turned to his father and said, “She seems like the right woman for me—don’t you think so?”

“Well,” replied Nasrudin, “she is certainly expressive and intelligent, but perhaps ther’e a woman out there who isan even better fit for you.”

So Nasrudin led his son the neighboring area’s town square and repeated the same scene. This time, a young lady saw this and said, “Go ahead and hit him. Only a fool would follow orders so blindly.”

When Nasrudin heard this, he said to his son, “The first woman, she was intelligent and expressive—but this woman is on an entirely higher level altogether. I think we’ve found your future wife.”

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